Navigating the Bizarro World of the Christian Left, Pt. 2
Meanwhile, back at the Hall of Doom, Bizarro is very concerned about Christian Nationalism
Recap: The Bizarro Code of the Christian Left
Previously on Navigating the Bizarro World of the Christian Left, we saw how the Christian left gets everything backwards. Like residents of the planet Htrae (Earth spelled backwards), the left lives by the Bizarro code: “Us do opposite of all Earthly things! Us hate beauty! Us love ugliness!”
Democracy Through Bizarro Lenses
We looked at “democracy” through Bizarro lenses and saw that democracy means whatever the left needs it to mean in the moment, even if they need to call an authoritarian socialist state a “democracy.” Party leaders apparently believe Christian leftists are so unwavering in their commitment to the Democrat Party, they utilized a secret process to unilaterally ignore the legally cast votes of the American people and replaced the candidate who legally earned the presidential nomination with a candidate of their own choosing. The Christian left predictably ignored this blatant disregard for democracy… in order to save democracy.
We also saw how the left is quick to discard democratic norms whenever it suits them. When Joe Biden was President, they openly encouraged him to ignore the Supreme Court to enact his student loan forgiveness plan. Now that Donald Trump is back in the White House, the left continues to turn to lawfare, deploying Democrat judges to block the President’s Article II executive actions. While it was good for Biden to ignore the courts, a “dictator” narrative has been established for anything other than complete obedience to these specious orders for Trump.
Political Violence and Domestic Terror
And when the left doesn’t get their way through legal channels, they turn to political violence. The left is currently engaged in a swatting campaign against conservative pundits and activists. This tactic of domestic terror could turn deadly at any moment. A caller, attempting to hide the source of the call and usually disguising their voice, tricks a local police department into believing there is a hostage situation or other act of violence occurring at the home of the conservative target. Police arrive on the scene, guns drawn, ready to intervene on behalf of the fictitious victims. One wrong move by the conservatives, who may reasonably be armed and not aware of who is at his door, and they may be met with lethal force.
Another domestic terror tactic currently utilized by the left is vandalizing and firebombing Tesla vehicles, dealerships, and recharging stations. After Elon Musk, once a favorite of the left, committed himself to assisting candidate, and now President, Trump, the former climate change hero became Public Enemy Number One. Many Teslas are actually owned by leftists, but “Earthly” logic doesn’t matter to the left. “Us do opposite of Earthly things!”
The Bogeyman of Christian Nationalism
While ignoring the actual instances of political violence and domestic terrorism from within their own camp, the truly frightening menace for the Christian left is their current favorite bogeyman, Christian nationalism.
The anti-Christian nationalist movement is fueled, in part, by evangelical (or formerly evangelical) sociology and history professors who, under pressure to constantly be publishing, as professors are oft to be, provide a steady stream of scholarly and popular level works to add fuel to the fear of the bogeyman. And provide job security for themselves.
Because the term is nebulous and, therefore, the cause of much confusion, and because the left, along with the right, obviously wants their version of the Christian faith to be represented in our government and laws, a cottage industry has arisen to constantly refine what Christian nationalism is and is not.
Andrew Whitehead’s Anti-Christian Nationalism Agenda
One of the Christian sociologists building a career upon anti-Christian nationalism is Andrew Whitehead, Professor of Sociology at Indiana University Indianapolis. On his Substack devoted to anti-Christian nationalism, American Idolatry, Whitehead recently offered his version of an “empirically-supported” definition of this chupacabra-like concept.
Whitehead finally gets around to his definition after spending the first half of the article pointing out that silly commoners’ dislike being called “Christian nationalists” while also advocating for a “fusion of a particular expression of Christianity with social and political life in the United States.” Rubes! They fell victim to one of the classic blunders! They argue for Christian nationalism while denying Christian nationalism!
Perhaps the rabble could be forgiven for wincing at the term after the years-long perpetual media campaign to associate “nationalism” with being a Nazi. Maybe it’s not a “ploy,” as Whitehead scoffs, but a natural reaction to constantly being smeared and purposefully “misunderstood” and singled out for derision.
The “Empirically-Supported” Definition of Christian Nationalism
Now, on to the empirically-supported!!! definition. Spoiler: this overly-long, four-point plus description is specifically crafted to single out conservative, traditionalist, Bible-believing Christians. I know, you’re shocked! I’ll go ahead and quote the whole thing.
Christian nationalism is a cultural framework—a collection of myths, traditions, symbols, narratives, and value systems—that idealizes and advocates a fusion of a particular expression of Christianity with American civic life.
It holds that this version of Christianity should be the principal and undisputed cultural framework in the United States and that the government should vigorously preserve that cultural framework.
While the particular expression of Christianity referenced in Christian nationalism does refer to theological or orthodox beliefs, it includes four elements that underscore the threat it poses to a pluralistic, democratic society.
1. A desire for a society organized according to traditionalist social arrangements. The ideal society is one where men lead and women support, marriage is ideally heterosexual, and families with a mom and dad are committed to procreation. American citizens and families that represent these ideals will have the easiest access to civil rights and liberties. Those who do not embrace these ideals will consequently be denied easy access.
2. A comfort with authoritarian social control. The world is a viewed as a chaotic place and we need strong leaders who through the threat of violence, or actual violence, defend the preferred social arrangements and hierarchies.
3. A desire for strong ethno-racial boundaries around national identity, civic participation, and social belonging. The ideal American is generally understood to be a natural-born Anglo Protestant. It is this group who created the United States, and it is this group who should remain central to its cultural identity and political leadership.
4. A populist impulse that creates space for Americans to embrace feelings of victimization—that certain “elites” are trying to persecute them—which lends itself to adopting more conspiratorial thinking. One example of this is thinking Christians in America are being silenced or persecuted.
So, when folks want to know what Christian nationalism is—the above is the empirically supported definition.
This is a definition surely to make the denizens of Htrae proud!
Deconstructing the Definition: Bizarro World Logic
The Bizarro World Christianity of the Christian left is quite compatible with Bizarro World America. This is why you see the so-called progressive vision of America centered as normative throughout this description.
Point One: Traditionalism as a Threat
Traditionalist social arrangements are odd ball. We’re weird and/or bigoted for preferring heterosexual marriages as if there’s any other kind. We crazily still believe it’s a good thing that those weird families that have a mom and a dad ought to procreate! In Bizarro World, a family is whatever you want it to be. Obviously!
To make this definition work, they must center Bizarro World concepts of marriage and family and imply traditional concepts are a threat to a “pluralistic, democratic society.” You can substitute “pluralistic, democratic society” for Gay Race Communism.
Americans trying to foist this narrow, bigoted, old-fashioned cultural framework upon the rest of society are trying to deny “easy access” to civil rights and liberties (that were invented five minutes ago). Are you making it more difficult for the fifth addition to a polyamorous marriage to receive their civil and human right of health insurance benefits than you are for a newly married traditional couple? Sounds like a Christian Nazi, I mean, nationalist, to me. You’re a threat.
Point Two: Authoritarianism and the Trump Myth
The second point is obviously about Dictator Trump. The carefully curated J6 myth tells the tale of the strong authoritarian leader who threatened violence followed by some of his dutiful servants carrying out actual violence. These people are comfortable with authoritarian social control, see? Did you know Trump is Hitler? Christian Nazis, I mean, nationalists want a modern-day Hitler to “vigorously preserve” their authoritarian bigoted society.
In Bizarro World, any authoritarian social control by the Democrats does not exist. Seizing custody of your children because you won’t affirm them while they’re temporarily confused by their Bizarro World teacher’s gender propaganda? That’s not authoritarian social control; that’s just “love” to the Christian left. Bizarro love democracy! Bizarro liberal fascist!
Point Three: Racism, Of Course
Is Point Three even necessary? Of course, conservative Christians are racist! Keeping the non-whites out is what motivates all Anglo-Protestants. Because they’re racist. Do you know they’re racist? Of course, you do.
Point Four: Persecution Complex or Reality?
Finally, Point Four. Have you noticed that every major American institution has been leveraged by the left in opposition to traditional, conservative, and Christian beliefs and practices? You have? Ah, you have a persecution complex. You, the victimizer, are pretending to be victimized! The “elites” are against you, aren’t they? We see you, conspiracy theorist. You’re one of those “noticers.”
Conclusion: The Double Standard of Bizarro World
So, there you have it! When folks want to know what Christian Nationalism is, you now have the EMPIRICALLY SUPPORTED DEFINITION©.
Only White people can be racist. Non-whites who hate others because of their ethnicity or skin color cannot be racist. Likewise, only conservative Christians can be Christian Nazis aka nationalists. When the Christian left explicitly argues for the close fusion of their particular expression of Christianity with social and political life in the United States, they are merely being faithful to their religious convictions. Leftists cannot be Christian nationalists by definition, you understand.
Meanwhile, back on the planet Htrae, Bizarro Christian gazed up at the enormous face. Forty years it had taken him to learn what kind of smile was hidden beneath the dark moustache. O cruel, needless, misunderstanding! O stubborn, self-willed exile from the loving breast! Two IPA-scented tears trickled down the sides of his nose. But it was alright, everything was all right, the struggle was finished. He had won the victory over himself. He loved Big Eva.
Tune in for Pt. 3 when we’ll hear Bizarro Christian tear the Omniverse wide open with his mind-blowing insight, “Me no follow Donkey or Elephant, me follow the Lamb!”